Wrestling with myself again...

Have you ever wanted to do something, and to not do it, in equal measure? It happened to me this weekend, and it is an all too familiar feeling. I wish there really were do-overs in life. I would have a lot of them.

I didn't see the Pope. I am not quite sure why I wanted to, but I did. He was staying at a seminary, on my street, 1.2 miles away!

I tied myself in knots over how to navigate closed streets, crowds of strangers, and my failure to find company. I even had a nightmare about it, complete with overwhelming obstacles and a cast of ghosts.

Now that he is gone, and the window is closed, I see that I could have, quite easily, avoided the city, put my sneakers on, and hiked over to where he was staying to get a drive-by, close-up, in-person, pontiff peek.

The experience has left me pondering my shortcomings and looking for the gift in the disappointment. I am less disappointed about not seeing this leader of another faith tradition than I am about the role of anxiety in my life.

I will remember this the next time I want to do something, and to not do it, in equal measure.

Have you ever felt that way?


(I don't know who took this picture. Sorry...)

4 comments

  • Stephen Kellogg

    Stephen Kellogg

    Ah yes the struggle! Thanks for sharing Denise and good luck (to us all) with making those hard decisions! xo SK

    Ah yes the struggle! Thanks for sharing Denise and good luck (to us all) with making those hard decisions! xo SK

  • bob

    bob BM

    1 Anxiety of that degree or more is common 2 90 percent is genetic 3 Psych rx helps but newer cognitive behavioral rx works better than analytic 4 The anti depressants often work very well Effexor Cymbalta etc 5 You do not have to treat it....I think the estimates Are about 30 percent of the population has sig anxiety Many share your pain Besides the Pope forgives you ; )

    1 Anxiety of that degree or more is common
    2 90 percent is genetic
    3 Psych rx helps but newer cognitive behavioral rx works better than analytic
    4 The anti depressants often work very well
    Effexor Cymbalta etc
    5 You do not have to treat it....I think the estimates
    Are about 30 percent of the population has sig anxiety
    Many share your pain
    Besides the Pope forgives you ; )

  • Denise Moser

    Denise Moser

    Thanks Stephen! Yes, good luck to us all... It is a part of being a human. Thanks for stopping by. So appreciated...

    Thanks Stephen! Yes, good luck to us all... It is a part of being a human. Thanks for stopping by. So appreciated...

  • Denise Moser

    Denise Moser

    Hi Bob. I don't find it debilitating. It is just one of the colors in my emotional life. Overall, I navigate well. Sometimes I just get caught in a loop. Thanks for being part of the conversation.

    Hi Bob. I don't find it debilitating. It is just one of the colors in my emotional life. Overall, I navigate well. Sometimes I just get caught in a loop. Thanks for being part of the conversation.

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